Thrashing against the repetition: rocks against waves
against rocks
I was thrown out of this wet possibility, hurled onto a solid surface
eating sand over and over
Every few weeks hurt:
Once in awhile a morning would be especially buoyant
sending me into fanatical floating, ecstatic at the new ease
The next morning might be equally light and easy
drifting in through my curtains as a welcome visitor
propelling me toward positivity
Until the night that lasted two hours too long
and I had to hold myself together at every second
melting into the floor, melting out of skin
Then in the morning the sun is claustrophobic with its smothering warmth
Jagged edges reach out to my tender exhaustion
every misstep of the day brings me closer to the imposing
cliff’s edge; waves growing monstrous and maniacal
At the mercy of everything that is uncontrollable,
I dissolved under my unmet expectations
Nothing was turning out as I had hoped
and I was still swimming so so hard.
Since then I have seen the wavs retreat under the full moon
and I know this abatement will always come–
no matter how often I still slam into the rocks.
I have finally begun to see the patterns
of my arm and leg movements, of the inhaling and exhaling tide
I am learning to maneuver these systems–
learning both myself and this ocean inside and out.
Image sourced from Pinterest, Artist: Lorenzo Gritti
